I felt like a hypocrite.

I would regularly tell my clients, corporate and stay-at-home mums alike ‘do not fear stigma, or stereotype, or being branded psychologically suspect – your experiences do not demean your capacity; they enrich it.’

I knew from my work, that women could be guided, shown how to thrive in spite of these nonsensical, illogical separations and divorces, but if I wasn’t strong enough to be upfront and visible about my journey, how could I reach them and show them how?

I realised that there could be no more excuses, no more letting myself off the hook, now was the time for me to walk my talk.

So, here I am. Risking what everyone of the women I work with fears the most – ridicule, professional discrimination, and wholesale judgement. Here I am doing what I’ve told all my clients to do, not allow yourself to be defined by the person who has caused you the most hurt. Here I am declaring myself, no longer ashamed or guilty or apologetic.


My disastrous marriage and never-ending divorce do not negate my over 30 years of psychology learning, teaching, and clinical work; nor do they smear me with psychological or relational instability; neither do they reduce my capacity for clear-thinking, responsibility, and leadership.

I value the gift my experiences have given me – a privileged perspective from which to be able to understand deeply the recovery process of hard-working, capable, fierce, professional women and mums who find themselves trapped in similar situations, silenced by the fear that they will be demeaned by those around them and everything they have worked for will vanish simply because they did not marry well.

Being victimized by another does not make anyone a ‘victim’.

Read on Difficult Divorce Day 6

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